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Criticism: Fixing a Problem of Apocalyptic Proportion

by Kevin Hogan

Give Them a Second Chance

Some factors may have to be taken into consideration depending on the situation at hand. At any rate, improvement, free from criticism, with room for a second chance to prove one's worth, is a welcome change.

How To Criticize And Still Be Nice

Some people say, "you are the nicest guy I've ever met."

Others say, "man you have an edge but you really care."

Still others say, "you can really be tough on me."

And the actions on my part are pretty similar in communicating with each of those people.

Their past matters too. Did they have a critical parent or boss? It does matter in how they will experience you.

Have you ever encountered an experience when someone told you how fat you've become?

Maybe your boss has commented on how bad your work turned out to be. Maybe you've heard from other folks how people view you as cold and unapproachable.

Stings. Sometimes bad.

Believe it or not, some people can be so tactless that they are not even aware when they've hurt anyone's feelings.

(Put my picture up on that wall for this sin having been committed...)

The receiving parties, especially the sensitive ones, would be offended by their remarks.

This then results in conflicts and arguments.

You know you're doing them a favor by saving them from shame or disappointment, but would they realize your good intentions instead of feeling hurt by your brutally frank comments or advice?

More likely, they'll simply think you're rude or impolite.

KEY QUESTION: But what can you do if you really need to assert an honest criticism... but you're afraid of hurting others' feelings?

Want to know a helpful strategy?

Take the Sting out of Criticism

For example, your best friend John is going on his very first date. He's all excited....

Now John doesn't have any fashion sense. He's wearing a bland shirt and old jeans.

You know how he hates to admit that he's wrong. (He's a guy and when we were born we all took the oath to never admit error.)

So what will you do to save John from an embarrassing first date?

"Hey STOOPID, you want her to laugh when she see's you?"

Would you say to him that the outfit he's wearing is repulsive?

You get the idea....

HELPING is never easy.

First, point out the things that you like his overall appearance. Comment on his nice looking hair. (Lying can be a means to a greater end....) Tell him he looks cool when wearing his sunglasses. Ask him where he bought his cologne. Be sincere and honest. (Don't go on and on or John will think you want to date him and that can create all kinds of difficulties...)

Next up....gently note your point of view and recommendation for change. You can tell him something like:

"Hey man, this is your first date, I'm thinking Jasmin will be massively impressed if you wear something like the outfit that you wore at that party last month."

Afterwards, make another positive statement. You could say something like:

"You do that and you will rock."

Do you think John would be offended by the recommendation?

Not likely. You have successfully inserted a slightly negative feedback into a plethora of acceptable and ego-boosting remarks.

People love compliments.

People wanted to hear how great they are from as many other people as humanly possible!

So if you want to criticize anybody, remember to praise him first. It will leave a positive impression that you're a nice guy. Then say what you have to say, but in a smooth and non-offensive manner. Finalize with another positive reinforcement to establish a foundation of goodwill. It works.

Criticism predictably leads to one thing....

Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732

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