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Kevin Hogan
Network 3000
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
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Criticism: Fixing a Problem of Apocalyptic Proportion
by Kevin Hogan
Page 2
Criticism is Default Behavior (that you can control!)
Oftentimes, when we are confronted with an undesirable situation or event, we tend to criticize or find fault. "What's going on around here? What happened here? Who did this?" All these questions may not necessarily be suggestive of a criticism, but somehow, they are posed in a negative manner.Criticizing is a reaction that is second nature to most of us....it is a "default behavior."
It's part of your biological make up ...often without the frontal lobes having a vote on whether the words should get out of the mouth.
Really?
Really.
People find faults more often than they find solutions. This is because it's always easier to spot the problem and it is sometimes difficult to find the solution.
Any MORON can find a problem!
:-)
To criticize, complain, or condemn others is futile. This only creates more problems than the original ones.
- Boss
- Wife (Same thing)
- Lover
- Friend
- Child
- Employee
The result is at times, dangerous, because criticizing hurts a person's pride and self-importance, and this leads to resentment.
When people resent you, they will consciously or unconsciously seek and get revenge.
Not maybe...
They will.
Your marriage, your relationship, your division, your business.
It's all the same.
Criticism costs you money and emotional bank account points.
Criticism Causes Resentment and Payback
The usual reaction of a person being criticized?
FLIGHT OR FIGHT.Just stop and think about that for a moment...your thinking is about to shift....
Suppose a homeowner hires a housekeeper who is responsible for the upkeep of her property. Let us suppose that after a certain period, the homeowner finds the work performance of the housekeeper unsatisfactory. The homeowner could do lots of things to change this, but let's say the options were to select either of the following:
- Tell the housekeeper straight forward that she is not satisfied with the housekeeper's performance and criticize her; or
- Ask the housekeeper to accompany her in visiting a friend. The homeowner's purpose is to show her housekeeper her friend's home that she finds satisfactorily maintained. During the visit, her friend's housekeeper can give tips to her housekeeper on proper work procedures.
If she takes it lightheartedly, this may not lead to resentment. But if she takes it defiantly, the effects can at times be disastrous or disadvantageous.
EVENTUALLY criticism makes a person defensive. Your defensive housekeeper's reaction is to find justification for her actions.
Defensive acts will lead to people ripping you off, spreading gossip about you...all kinds of lovely things... (flight/fight)
So let's FIX IT NOW.
An act of diplomacy, free of criticism, could be the right approach to better understanding and cooperation between two people. Going back to the case between the homeowner and housekeeper, the second approach shows the homeowner's subtle way of conveying her message to the housekeeper - how she wants the job done to her satisfaction, without resulting in strained relationships.
Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 
Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
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