Life
Mastering Self-Control:
The Key to Getting What You Want in the 168 Hour Week
Part One
by Kevin Hogan
Page 3
Use self-control to intentionally, today, and you will start changing conditioned responses from the past 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years.
There is nothing wrong with picking up the phone. But it shows how often we are hijacked into the habit of reacting in a certain way to the different stimuli coming from the outside. We are doing it without even giving it a back glance, without thinking.
If you want to control the situation, you can change that.
Staying calm when facing a problem has everything to do with the situation.
It's very hard at first to NOT answer the phone.
You feel weird. You feel GUILTY (!), You feel like you might be missing something. You feel all kinds of negative emotions.
Remember when you were trying to ignore the phone, letting it simply ring all it wants. The same principle works for the 90+% of all stress-inducing situations.
It doesn't mean that you have to ignore the REAL problems.
STEP ONE: Emotionally Detach to Help Make Better Decisions
No, you'll have to deal with any REAL problem that needs a reaction/response NOW, that comes your way. BUT, you have to learn to do it when you are emotionally unattached and your mind is as clear and calm as possible. When you act under stress, your mind is anxious, your nervous system is strained, you can't possibly make the right decision.
I realize that it sounds all too easy, but you know how hard it can be to keep your mind at ease, especially when you are unprepared and caught "off-guard". In these situations I suggest you delay your reaction before
acting in a stressful situation.
I gave a presentation in Milwaukee last year.
The night before I did a sound check and an everything check, as I have learned to obsessively do the day before I give a keynote.
Because humans tend to make ...errors...lots of them...
In fact, I can promise you that other people will screw up your day predictably because people are REACTION JUNKIES. They are addicts. They do what they think they need to do to feel good IN THE MOMENT.
I'm introduced to the audience (as always from microphone number two, which is always used only for the introduction then either turned off or turned away for the rest of the event.)
A nice round of applause and I launch with tempered enthusiasm into one of my favorite stories. This time my Bill Clinton story because it's a body language themed presentation.
I am about 45 seconds into the presentation when a man (with two hearing aids, golf hat, and a cane sitting at the back of the room) whispers something into the ear of the event coordinator.
The event coordinator now believes that, like the elderly man who could have sat in row one or by a speaker...there isn't enough volume. (The volume is as perfect as it is going to get for the facility. We sound-checked it 11 hours before. It was a solid "B" for "not bad.")
The event coordinator instructs someone to "go turn the sound up," which I see but don't actually hear as I'm talking from the stage in front of 300 people who WERE HAPPY.
20 seconds later the volume of my voice is so loud I can't speak because that voice is distorted.
I look at the coordinator, with the "hey go turn it down" look which is necessary to do visually...because I don't want to talk.
I adjust the microphone. I pull it down and clip it near the bottom of the coat.
I am 100%........................screwed.
Dang.
This is a deadly situation for a speaker. No matter what happens now, the speaker loses.
I try and delay by not telling the story which sets up the presentation.
I speak very softly and launch into a "something like this happened before in Vegas at Bally's" which I whisper through.
Approximately 9 MINUETS later my voice is back to a normal level of volume again.
Praise God.
I've lost an audience, but I can hear myself think.
Stuff like this used to make me feel:
- Angry
- Frustrated
- Depressed
- Anguish
Not anymore.
Now it makes me feel disappointed.
Lots of change in conditioning over the years.
Self-Regulation.
9 minutes is a loooooooooooooooong time to go without clear sound when you have 300 people in an audience. People get edgy at 20 seconds, irritible at one minute and angry at two. Nine minutes is when it's time to kill the speaker. (Lesson 66 in speaking: It's always your fault...so do sound checks the night before.)
I'd tell you what happens next but it doesn't matter. (Do remind me because IT makes for a great story too!)
The point is that you have to have self-control when disaster strikes.
10 years ago, I would have been bent out of shape.
On this day, there was no bend.
What are the strategies for mastering self-regulation?
Here are the Strategies to Use after Your Decision:
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Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
Photos appear under license with Stockexpert.
