Deception: Who Deceives and Why Do People Lie
by Kevin Hogan
And then you feel righteously indignant....even when you realize that you're no different! Because... we hate being deceived.
Because we are lied to so much, so often, many people recognize cues in the behaviors of others that they believe are signs of deception. Sometimes they are right and sometimes they are woefully and painfully wrong.
And we had to evolve to become human lie detectors as well because being able to snuff out deception is adaptive as well. (It makes you live longer, safer, etc.)
Unfortunately, because of the way the human brain is wired, we are "right" about the deception of others about 1/2 the time. We saw the cue. They were deceiving. It was a biggie. And we got it right, even though they vehemently denied it.
But then because there were 10 other nonverbal cues happening at the same time, not to mention the words that were being said...we also unconsciously associated THOSE cues with lying too. And the next time we saw them...you guessed it...we told them, "you're lying," and this time you were wrong and they were indignant.
Both times they vehemently denied, but they were deceiving only once.
That creates intensely emotional associations and resentments that last a long time...of being falsely accused...and for the other person...strong associations of emotional denial when you know that something fishy has been going on.
And this is how so many problems in personal and business relationships begin.
Both people are taking part in often unconscious or non-conscious (do a google search at my website to read about the differences) deception. Doesn't matter. It's adaptive. They are trying to be safe and secure in their environment. So they deceive. They have to because they are human and it's wired in to the brain as much as going to the bathroom is.
The "Natural Born" Deceiver
Key Point: Last year I wrote a lot about "will" and whether we have conscious "control" over most of our actions. And the scientific research tells us that the words you just said don't register in your own brain for 500 milliseconds AFTER you have said them.
(Read that again.)
Fact is, there is a part of the brain that has developed in humans that causes self deception that we were not intended (from an evolutionary standpoint) to be aware of. The person who can deceive himself finds it much easier to deceive others.
The person who becomes skilled at deceiving herself is a much more believable deceiver.
And because of this, people become natural born deceivers and have also adapted to become curious and detective-like inquisitors...to normally live in a state of disbelief of others and what they say.
Self-deception happens when....? For men? Women?
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