The Antidote for the Pain of Rejection
by Kevin Hogan
Studies show that there is direct correlation between rejection
from a parent or caregiver to a child and increased Rejection
Sensitivity (RS) when that child becomes an adult.
If your own parent rejects you, then WHO THE HELL WOULD LOVE
YOU or accept you?
...at least that's what goes on in the nonconscious part of the mind....
As a child, you learned to react when you felt the pain of
rejection (even not getting what you needed or wanted right away
was a type of rejection for you).
- "Not now"…
- "Don't bother me"…
- "I said NO!"…
- "Don't do that again"…
Acceptance and Early Human Survival
Long ago, people lived in communities in which they depended
on each other for survival.
Together they would:
Together, they gained strength from day-to-day interaction and
they became dependent on each other for their very survival.
- Gather food…
- Raise Children…
- Fight off danger…
- Take care of each other's needs…
Being INCLUDED, being ACCEPTED was necessary to survive...
...and that Genetic Code is still written inside of you and me today....
To be rejected from the group meant possible death - to be rejected
by the community was to leave themselves open and vulnerable to
every threat that could come to them.
Living without the protection that they had come to know and
depend on would have been counter-intuitive of the basic human
need of community that was within them as humans.
Today in many tribes around the world, rejection and ostracism
is considered to be the most extreme forms of punishment.
The tribal interpretation of this type of punishment is feared
because it means certain "social death" to the rejected.
Even in animals, those that are ostracized inevitably face an early death
if they are cast out by their pack. Once rejected and cast out,
they lack the resources to capture and secure their own food,
and they no longer enjoy the protection of their group.
They are therefore prevented from forming bonds that provide
social sustenance. They lag behind, become decimated, and
eventually die through malnutrition or from being attacked by
Survival of the fittest says to be part of the group..."knowing"
that if you aren't, you are finished....
We can clearly see that by our very design, NEEDING to fit in
and NEEDING to be accepted by others is a primal response.
This explains why rejection, and even the fear of rejection, is so
unnerving and painful to you.
Key Point: Acceptance is an absolute NECESSITY for our very
survival and well being whether it is for our physical survival,
or survival in our social standing.
How does rejection affect YOU physically and emotionally?
**You**...: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
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