Not with YOU...
Ejecting Rejection with Self-Compassion?!
by Kevin Hogan
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is the ability to treat oneself kindly in the face of rejection, defeat and other negative events.
Leary conducted three studies that consistently showed self-compassion is beneficial in helping people cope with rejection in ways that are often different from and better than simply having a high self-esteem.
(Leary presented his findings at the convention of The American Psychological Association.)
Self-compassion and self-esteem are related, explains Leary.
"Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend whether you feel good about yourself or not," he said.
"Self-esteem is simply feeling good about yourself."
Can you see the difference?
Key Point: You must remove yourself from the POSITION of the "Rejected", and put yourself in the POSITION of being the "friend of the rejected."
What will you say to yourself?
What advice can you give?
Sounds good at first glance. But it's a small beginning.
- Get back in the game.
- Get back on your feet!
- Don't let this stop you!
- Don't let 'em get to you!
Self-compassion can be a shoulder to cry on, or a swift kick in the butt. Or, both!
The conversation you have with yourself can be encouraging words or reminders of the reasons why you CAN do it and why you are worth more than they are!
Leary's 3 Studies:
The first of these studies presented college students (both male and female) with three imaginary situations:
Next, he measured how each participant thought that they would respond in each situation.
- Failing an important test
- Losing a team athletic competition
- Forgetting their role in a play
He found that the participants possessing higher self-compassion were more likely to think that everybody goofs up now and then.
They were less likely to think that they are a "LOSER", a "FAILURE" or feel highly humiliated in the above situations.
Those who possessed only high self-esteem imagined the events as negative and distressing.
OK so now what?:
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