Not with YOU...
Overcoming the Fear of Rejection? The Final Solution
by Kevin Hogan
If you allow me to "ratchet up" the level of this paper, and if this is something you feel or deal with every now and then (or even a lot!), this is a self investment...there is no rejection program at the end to sell you...not that I'm an idiot for not having thought about that...but this really will help
you change your feelings and your reactions to not only the FEAR of rejection, but to rejection itself.
I used to hate those words...."Yeah, but not with you...."
I got that a lot...
It's like when you cut your finger, you automatically feel pain. When you automatically feel pain, you instantly react.
When you burn your Self, (capital S intentional) you feel pain. And, your instant reaction to the pain of a burn is a natural response.
Responding to the pain of rejection is as natural to us as responding to the pain of a cut or burn. It’s instantaneous.
There's really no other way to feel...if you haven't invested some time and thinking into what it all REALLY means.
After the instant reaction of pain, what happens next is fight or flight....
Right?
When someone hurts you, there are a lot of ways you can respond to defend yourself (inside and out).
Here are some of the most common defensive strategies. Print this out and then LITERALLY circle the ones that resonate most closely with you. (Or just read the damn thing and let it do you virtually no good, either is fine...) You'll come back to this later; and you'll be making some changes....
Searching for Clarity – you want to find out what you’ve done… you want to understand why you feel rejection so that you can fix it. "Tell me what I did so I can fix it and I won't do it again, I promise."
- "What did I do wrong?"
- "What did I say?"
- "Is it because I'm not good looking?"
- "Is it because there is someone else?"
- "Is it because you already have another provider for your insurance?"
Seeking Forgiveness – “I’m sorry… please forgive me, it won't happen again, I promise...I will make it up to you...” ...is your natural response to make everything return to normal - hoping these feelings of rejection will go away.
- "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you...give me another chance..."
- "I didn't mean that, please understand..."
- "I'm sorry you misunderstood what I was saying..."
- "Please don't hold this against me..."
Defensive Ostracism – Since they have hurt you… you will conspire to get rid of them (as simple as booting them out of YOUR circle of friends or more complicated stuff like getting them fired). Tit for Tat.
Keypoint and Point of Self Realization: Revenge usually feels almost as good as the rejection that triggered the revenge.
Those are three of the most common, but you'll recognize these as well...
Giving Up – You surrender to the rejection. You give in to the fact that this person has won… there is no more fight from you.
Denying That Rejection Has Occurred – “Oh, it was really nothing. I’m probably just imagining it.”
The delusional response... :-) ... Certainly can take some of the sting out, but how will this response play out in the future?
Derogating The Source Of Rejection – You belittle or humiliate the one who rejected you. This is similar to revenge played out in a less "physical" fashion. They reject you and you make sure that they are taken down publicly and painfully. It's only words, after all....
Distancing Oneself From His Or Her Rejecter You distance yourself, preventing additional loss of Self-esteem or Self-worth that comes from repeated exposure to this person. Given the choice of fight or flight, you leave.
"I must be flawed." – You decide that something must be wrong with you to make the rejecter reject you. Right or wrong, you interpret that the rejecter's point of view is the correct one.
Highlighting One’s Positive Qualities To Counter The Rejection – You make yourself look good to others to make the rejection look like it was minimal or nothing.
Becoming Defensive Or Even Aggressive – Verbally fighting back, getting physical or even worse… acts of violence.
Spending More Time Alone – You seek solitude where there is no possibility of rejection.
Is self-esteem the answer? The Problem?! The Cure?
Or is it just flat out hopeless?: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 
Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
Photos appear under license with Stockexpert.
