Seduction, Stalking, and Love...
The Differences & Similarities
Kevin Hogan
Page 2
Love and Addiction
I remember when I first started playing blackjack 25 years ago, I'd arrive in Vegas and get to the hotels to get to the tables as quickly as I could. I bet the reward and motivation centers of my tiny brain lit up like that Christmas tree. Over time the "addiction" dramatically reduced. I'm still the first person off the plane but now I'm racing to get to my suite, clean up and rest. Those reward centers aren't lighting up as much for blackjack anymore.
Consider the coke (non cola) addict's desire for the next sniff...the chocolate lover's craving for chocolate...and you start to get on the same page as that of seeing and targeting the preferred mate.
That's what the stalker feels...addiction...love.
That's what the person with "love at first sight" feels.
That's what the coke addict feels and there is no value in placing judgments on the feelings as good or bad.
Stalking, love at first sight and moving toward "feeding an addiction" are neither good or bad. They are motives, impulses...
What makes the experience turn out badly is when someone doesn't want to be stalked by a particular someone...or say they don't want to give their cocaine or chocolate to that someone.
The Difference Between Sex and Love
Now, before you get concerned that "the desire for sex" and "romantic love" are the same thing as far as the feelings they generate inside someone, I'll save you the internal struggle...they aren't.
There is a small and significant overlap to be sure, but they are quite different!
And here is more fascinating news: The sensation of Romantic love and the sensations of Attractiveness are "stored" and "retrieved" on opposite sides of the brain!
When taken with the work I discovered about anxiety and feelings of liking 7 years ago at the University of St. Thomas Management Center and later shared in The Body Language Home Study Program...some amazing things all started to fall into place.
Helen Fisher has summed it up well (and I paraphrase her findings) when it comes to matching what we experience and what the new images of the brain reveal in specific situations.
We won't get depressed and kill because someone won't have sex with us.
That will cause emotions of anger, contempt and/or sadness.
The Drive to Kill
However, many WILL kill when they are rejected where the feeling is romantic love and not the sex drive being attended to.
The distinction is sharp. The sex drive is powerful. In my estimation, the second most important of the 16 core desires in humans. The motivation and reward of romantic love, however is fiercely strong, and often dwarfs the sex drive.
In other words, most people can handle, "no" to sex. Most people can't handle, "no, I don't love you" or "don't love you anymore." One hurts... the other often leads to criminal court.
The ramifications for all of this are enormous.
Consider attraction, seduction, stalking, autism, love, sex, romantic feelings... and they all are interwoven into the research that you will now get a chance to see here for the first time. New...for you.
Consider the coke (non cola) addict's desire for the next sniff...the chocolate lover's craving for chocolate...and you start to get on the same page as that of seeing and targeting the preferred mate.