I was demonstrating this technique of pacing and leading in a public presentation some months ago. I asked a man to come out of the audience to volunteer to assist me in demonstrating rapport building to the rest of the audience.

After he was seated I sat like he did and began to explain to the audience that I was intentionally slowing my breathing down, sitting straighter and crossing my arms because the gentleman was doing so. I explained that it wouldn’t be long before the gentleman would feel more comfortable and loosen up. I began asking him questions about his job, how long he had been there and general information questions about himself. I finally got him to open up with his comments about the recent elections with which I earnestly agreed with him. As soon as his head was nodding with mine about the good luck we had in the recent election, I immediately opened up my body posture so my arms were no longer crossed. He instantly did the same thing and I immediately pointed out that I led him out as soon as I felt we had rapport. He confirmed that he felt comfortable with me when we were talking about politics and that he wasn’t even aware that he had opened his arms.

That gentleman was returned to his chair and I asked another man to come up. This time I instructed the man that once he had attained a specific body position, I wanted him to keep it until we were done with the experiment.

He agreed to do so. He crossed one leg over there, sat in a little more of a hunched posture, and breathed even more deeply than the man before him. I assumed a mirror position. I asked him about his work and his political views, which did not match mine in any way. We switched to sports and got to talking about the Minnesota Vikings and how close they came to the super bowl in 1998. I asked him why he thought they couldn’t beat the Atlanta Falcons and he started to tell me his opinion. As soon as he was moving, I intentionally led him by opening up my body posture. His right arm twitched when he saw my left arm open up. Everyone in the first 10 or so rows saw this and laughed. He didn’t follow through but the point was clear. He was in rapport and I had succeeded in leading him even though he didn’t actually change his body posture. He wanted to!

Breathing

People sitting next to each other who watch a movie together will often breathe in synch with each other, especially if the movie is particularly dramatic or eery. Certain emotions are likely to bring about certain breathing patterns and these can be particularly useful to model if the opportunity arises!

All of these rapport builders lead us to an important key involving effective communication: You must often be more like others than yourself if your goal is to engage people in deep and intimate relationships.,

Remember a time when you were in complete rapport with someone. This is a time that you both were almost thinking the same thing.

• Were you sitting near each other?
• Was your physiology similar?

When you experienced these moments of rapport with someone, did you feel that you were on a roll or experiencing enthusiasm or other intense emotion at the time?

Physical Appearance

How does your appearance speak volumes about you?

Is your dress appropriate for the context of your presentation?

Ted Nugent is a rock star, popular from the 80's. He has a certain persona which allows him to dress, adorn his body and behave differently than an "average" person in society. In fact, when you see Ted Nugent, you expect that he will look different. How would your boss or your wife feel if you came home looking like Ted Nugent? Unless you've done the groundwork to build that persona, stick to what makes sense for you!

A woman wearing a form fitting dress fits right into the expected vision when she's being photographed for a men's magazine, or a woman's fashion magazine. However, if she walked into the office wearing this outfit, she'd get many appraising looks and some serious, "what are you thinking" frowns.

Accordingly, an engineer coming in for a day at the office would look funny in anything other than a button up shirt and dress pants, wouldn't he?

Yes, the clothing we wear, and the things we choose to adorn our bodies with have a huge impact on whomever we come in contact with on a daily basis.