The Key to Success:
The Ultimate Secret
by Kevin Hogan
Important: ...it is a 100% guarantee that you will fail often if you are to be successful. It's my hope that you will fail quickly and reboot rapidly as well!
Listen to Your Feelings?
Don't misunderstand...Feelings aren't the "enemy."
There's nothing wrong with feeling upset, angry, tired, apathetic, happy or sad.
There's nothing at all wrong with feeling joy or depression, excitement or boredom.
There's everything RIGHT about understanding your feelings, and the feelings of those around you. In fact, understanding the feelings of others is critical to YOUR happiness and success. But remember, LETTING your feelings drive your Life is like letting a six year old drive a car. It will work...until it doesn't. And then it never will again.
Feelings are generally a signal that your brain is experiencing something worthy of you taking notice. These signals are like flashing lights. They don't (necessarily) reflect reality in a meaningful way but they certainly contribute to your everyday decision making processes.
Feelings in relationships are important to understand. Your own feelings matter as well...they matter a lot. They matter just like your two year old child matters to you. You care for them. You nurture them. You do NOT let them drive under any circumstances.
Feelings of comfort rarely trigger the need for change.
Feelings of discomfort drive you to seek out a different feeling. Sometimes that is an immediately useful task. Other times it is not.
Feelings of safety or security easily and consistently intertwine themselves with feelings of discomfort.
These "blends" say to you (for example) that you belong in your hamster wheel and that leaving would be scary.
This blend might look like this:
Security of "the job."
Familiarity of "the job."
Fear of ANYTHING other than "the job."
Discomfort and pain of all things at "the job."
What does the body do with all of that? What happens in the motivation department of the brain?
It's really quite simple in most cases.
Feelings aren't very smart. They don't think. They are internal sensations that typically act as triggers.
They have zero IQ. Feelings don't learn. They can be very important or an absolute mess...all in the same day.
Interpreting something with no "sense" to it is something no one is taught in school or anywhere else.
And it's not your fault.
No one ever taught you how to TRULY understand feelings.
And how you navigate your feelings will absolutely determine your success or failure in life and business.
Without going into a big long diatribe on neuropsychology, feelings and emotions, let's just put it this way:
You simply must NOT run your life based on your feelings or you will be doing all the things that "feel good" all the time...addiction.
If you do choose to run your life on your feelings you will absolutely and positively fail in the long run.
Let's look at an extreme example of how feelings can really take one down a bad road...
"Honey would you feed the baby?"
"I haven't slept in a week. I'm too exhausted. Would you please?"
"No can do. I don't feel like it. I think you should do it. My feelings aren't aligned with my intention to watch the game (and a million other things)."
Oh well. At least the couple felt good.
People who run their lives based on their feelings become addicts of "feeling good and they avoid feeling anything painful or bad".
It's only human nature to WANT to live like this.
The "feel good" addict inside the person doesn't want to change.
Feeling "good" is simply too fun and easy...until they take the furniture, the house and the kids.
We'll talk more about the importance and value of feelings in the future. They DO matter in many contexts and eventually ALL feelings must be addressed for a person to feel whole. But there is a time and a place for all actions.
Walk Through the Fire
I started taking this metaphor seriously about 20 years ago. It became obvious that very little that is good in life comes easily. It also had become apparent that decisions to succeed almost always were made based on a LONG TIME LINE.
So what's the Real Secret?
When you walk through the fire of your feelings, fear and pain, you WILL ULTIMATELY come to the point that your new actions become familiar.
It can take a week or two or three or four in any new project or venture to become familiar with it. It always begins uncomfortable and feels "wrong." The good news? It doesn't take long to generate a habit you choose...a life you really want... but getting past the first day or two or three is the challenge.
And now, do this......
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