Jealousy hurts the person who is jealous. It is painful. The person
in no way wants to be jealous. The feelings of pain are deep. The low
self-worth, the lack of confidence, the constant wondering and fear.
They become obsessive at every level.
There are no words that work.
This stuff is rooted with the caveman who BOUGHT the security
system. He was constantly vigilant in respect to his possessions,
including his partner. He lived to talk about it and form the
caveman's club. The other guy and his partner and kids got eaten by
the animals. They didn't form a caveman's association.
Today in 2010, women initiate the vast majority of divorces.
Why?
Because the man didn't abandon his family.
Read that again.
Perhaps he wasn't the guardian, but I bet he was. Because she
wouldn't have divorced him if he was agreeable and emotionally stable.
Jealousy has some paradoxical and predictable payoffs.
It feels terrible. It hurts. It causes pain in the jealous person
and the other person.
But it serves a number of purposes, all of them rooted in survival,
safety and security.
Now, let's make this all brilliantly and abundantly clear. The research in English speaking countries shows this:
Half of all men AND women have attempted stealing a FRIEND'S partner.
Now I gotta tell you that killing your own friend is something you don't
want to entertain.
But did he?
You bet.
And so did she.
To argue that jealousy is not logical or rational, is both foolish and
counterproductive.
It's very normal. And it is very logical and very rational. It is required
for survival.
Almost half of all women test their partner by setting up a jealousy
inducing moment. Men do the same thing, but not anywhere near as
often. It's a dangerous game to play.
Should You Try to Reduce Jealousy?
Knowing all this, does it make sense to try and reduce jealousy in a
relationship?
Of course...if there truly is no "reason" to be jealous. There
usually IS a reason to be jealous, however, and making jealousy "go
away" is only going to begin when the partner leaves.
(And even then it's simply not present.)
Wide open communication is a good starting point.
If the other partner doesn't want to leave, then it's a good time to
talk.
And taking care of disasters in advance is the best option of all.
If someone you trusted and loved gave you The Lamp....
and said, "Today it's your turn. Today YOU get to
determine who you will be and how you will live for the rest of your
life."
There are limiting circumstance in life. There are a very few people who
simply cannot shape their own destiny. You are not one of those people.
If you live in a free country and can think and communicate you can have
almost any life you want.
But wait.
Let's qualify this.
You don't want ANY life.
You want a life that has meaning, where you are given and deserve
respect, love and appreciation. You want to have enough "money" to
secure your future and be financially free. And you want your life to
have meaning. You want what you do everyday to matter to you, to those
around you and to those who will meet you.
You want people to walk up to you and say, "Thank you, you really made a
difference for me."
Whether you are 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 is unimportant.
There are huge benefits and drawbacks of living life at any specific
age.
Ultimately age is a number.
But your life is important. You are unique. You aren't a number. You
are living and breathing human deserving of a kind of life that matters.
The most excellent news is that there is a way to have what you
want in life.
Most people are headed in one direction in their life.
That direction is "what you see today is what you will have in one year,
10 years and more."
So whatever you have today just might be the story for your
life...unless...
Most people are moving through life on autopilot, getting today exactly
what they got yesterday. And they aren't happy about it.
They want something more. But they will never take a step that will move
them permanently into a better space and place...
They will stay right where they have become familiar with the setting,
the plot and the characters. And that's one core driver that drives
human behavior.
It doesn't need to be exciting, but it can be.
It doesn't need to be dramatic, but it can be.
It doesn't need to be one of fame and great wealth, but it can be.
It doesn't need to be one of thousands of adoring fans, but it can be.
It doesn't need to be one of travel and leisure, but it can be.
Because within your source code, written in your brain and DNA
are possibilities.
There are drivers that are ready to KICK IN and move you quickly
to where you want to be.
These drivers mostly lie dormant. They are always there.
You feel them when you read a certain kind of a book. In fact you are
probably attracted to the series by the author, or the authors stories
in general.
The reason?
A dormant driver.
Not everyone has the same drivers operating at the same horsepower.
But everyone has the same drivers "installed" ready for use.
Not everyone can or will be a basketball player or an entertainer or a
singer, an actor, a corporate executive or a janitor. Those are all
possibilities for many people but the drivers that are operating and
those ready to kick in WILL determine who you are today and where you
CAN BE tomorrow.
You want a life that has meaning, where you are given and deserve respect, love and appreciation. You want to have enough "money" to secure your future and be financially free. And you want your life to have meaning. You want what you do everyday to matter to you, to those around you and to those who will meet you.
You want people to walk up to you and say, "Thank you, you really made a difference for me."
Whether you are 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 is unimportant.
There are huge benefits and drawbacks of living life at any specific age.
Ultimately age is a number.
But your life is important. You are unique. You aren't a number. You are living and breathing human deserving of a kind of life that matters.
The most excellent news is that there is a way to have what you want in life.
Most people are headed in one direction in their life.
That direction is "what you see today is what you will have in one year, 10 years and more."
So whatever you have today just might be the story for your life...unless...
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Half of all men AND women have attempted stealing a FRIEND'S partner.
Most people are moving through life on autopilot, getting today exactly
what they got yesterday. And they aren't happy about it.
