Jealousy
Kevin Hogan
Page 4
Jealousy is a Complex of Feelings
Jealousy is more pronounced in some individuals than others.
It is correlated to two of the big five personality traits.
In fact, David Buss notes that jealousy is correlated positively to
neuroticism (emotionally volatile) and negatively to
agreeability...i.e. disagreeable.
Many jealous people, therefore, will also be disagreeable and
emotionally volatile.
Let's look at that picture.
How would an extremely jealous, protective person, protect their
property if they were not emotionally volatile and disagreeable?
Stop.
Think about that seriously.
If the guy leaves the woman in the room with the other 99 guys and
he feels comfortable in doing so, how should the woman feel about
what the man is feeling, sensing?
"He trusts me."
Sure thing. But does he care?
In this instance..."trust" never entered his mind....
Female 5 somehow caught a Male 10. It happens.
OK, not often, but it does happen. Run with it...
That Male 10 is not experiencing jealousy or concern, and the
possessiveness level is going to be very modest.
Female 5 with Male 2? Male 2 isn't leaving Female 5 in the room with
the other 99 men.
"He doesn't trust me."
He is an idiot if he does!
He is programmed to guard and protect, to possess when the possession
is valuable.
But back to those personality traits.
Emotionally stable and agreeable people may or may not be associated
with success, achievement or any kind of biological/evolutionary/life/survival
advantage.
Here it is in a simple unforgettable analogy:
The lion salivates as only a lion can....he approaches the cave and the
caveman sits in his zen-like yoga position and then tells the others to
"have no fear, be calm, and all will be...."
...slurp...
The caveman was not protecting, guarding, in a stance of
preparedness or readiness. He was every woman's dream. Laid back,
calm, peaceful, meditative, zen-like and the then she was lunch.
Now, rethink "agreeable" and "stable"...
Don't misunderstand.
Jealousy isn't pleasant and sweet.
Humans have this notion that if it doesn't feel good, it isn't good.
And that notion causes all kinds of problems in life.
Humans "trust their gut" and end up ...slurpped...
Jealousy is Intense, Protective, Possessive and Survival-based.
Look around your home. Pick out three or four of your favorite
"things." Pictures, books, toys, your kids, whatever. Your favorite
most treasured stuff.
And imagine that someone stole them from you.
Poof...
Do you feel agreeable and emotionally stable?
If you do, do you sincerely believe you will have a chance to get
those items back?
Does the agreeable zen master get his stuff back? No sense of
urgency or worry?
Oh, your stuff...Will you get it/them back?
Of course not.
Let's take this to a more clear-cut example.
Imagine someone came and took your young children from you.
Most women would probably become disagreeable and emotionally
volatile...the two traits of the big five that correlate to jealousy.
Most women would go on a hunt to find their children.
Not all, but most.
That is an admired set of traits that causes the endless hunt for
the children.
It's called stalking when it happens between adults in relationships. It's called love
when it's about children.
See how that works? There isn't much difference...there may not be
any difference.
Just What Do Men and Women REALLY Want? ... 
Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
Photos appear under license with Stockexpert.
