Jealousy
Kevin Hogan
Page 3
How do Women Think?
Contrast this with the fact that women do not universally agree what
is attractive in men...at least not to the extent men have it down
to a science.
"Really? You think so? He's OK, but I think he's hot..."
Women are different than men. They are more complex and less predictable.
Research is abundant.
Women want children until they have children, and
then fall victim to stress. They feel better when the child goes to school and
opt not to kill the husband. As the child becomes a teenager, the husband
becomes less attractive as the stress in the relationship grows. And
if the couple makes it past that 17 or 18th year, they will be better....like
getting well from the flu...for the rest of their life...as soon as all the
children have moved out.
Women's experience, even with jealousy, can be triggered faster or more
slowly....with greater or less intensity depending on where in the family
cycle the woman is.
But enough environmental background.
That group of 100 possessed women, they are now going to possess
men (an interesting set of thoughts just flashed here...)
... there are not just 10 men out of 100 in the "top 10%."
Instead there might be 30 men in the "top 10%."
Objectively this, of course, is not possible.
But women aren't given just one unique book at birth to evaluate men.
Several women might find one group of men or type of man attractive.
Another number of women might find another group of men or type of
man attractive.
Now, don't kid yourself.
If you are a bathroom blocker, you aren't going to be seen in the top 10
or 20 or 30%. But, if you have taken some care of your body and your self,
your odds are good that there is a woman out there who will find you
impressive...simply not necessarily most women.
And always remember that attraction/attractiveness is not the singular root of value and jealousy. With men, it is more predictably more so, than with women, but even men are complex enough to "feel the variables of prior investment"...meaning...how much time and life energy has gone into this possession, for example.
And that's OK. It's remarkably wonderful.
It's why beautiful women can end up with the seemingly goofiest of
men.
And of course,...just how many women do you need to find you attractive?
Additionally realize that if women in general coveted the same 10
men out of 100, then they would fight like men to protect the possession
of those 10 men.
However, women don't universally and exclusively agree on what is
attractive in men. So a woman can be out with her best friend at
dinner and look across the room, each woman seeing a different man
and finding him attractive while the other friend disagrees.
Keypoint: That single variable leads to less perceived competition between
women for men than men have for women.
And this is where the jealousy thing gets bigger...where women, more
often than men, appear more intelligent, more emotionally stable.
Men appear to be more like ....well.... jerks.
Women can remain friends and not be required to kill each other
because they will find different objectives and possessions to go hunt for.
Men, however, may not remain friends as they each have the same
objective they are hunting for. They will compete. They often kill
each other to get the desired object of their attention. They often
kill the objective and the objective's other suitor if possession
changes at some point in the game.
It's that simple.
Once possessed by a woman, she can guard her possession with
less vigilance because there are fewer other women who believe her
possession is ideal or excellent. There's other fish in the sea and
she FEELS that "fact."
i.e. in the majority of cases, you probably aren't anywhere near as important
to her as she is to you....
Remember after the 17 years, divorce is initiated by women, not men. There is an obvious reason. At this point the jealous man is of less value depending on resource distribution at the cutting of the cord.
Men, however, will guard their coveted possession with strategic
planning and more... all because all other men will find that
possession excellent and desire it as well.
Therefore...
Women will view men as jealous and hostile.
Men will view women as unattached and disconnected to them.
...on average...
Of course, tell-tale clues of future problems will occur.
What if the man is not jealous?
Then the object is not being intensely guarded. It's that simple. It
might be important, but it might not be as important as the object
might eventually wish.
The woman's feeling of "free" and "happy" is actually more likely a
symptom of a future disaster. In fact...I'll just tell you now that
if she feels "free" in her relationship, she's one step closer to
being freed...past tense.
Paradoxically, feeling "closed in" and "captured" will probably
yield a longer-term, higher-quality of life...at least in many aspects
of the relationship.
Jealousy, with or without "reason" is a complicated "thing" to live
with for everyone.
[Worth checking out: Wake Forest University (2009, June 27). Rating
Attractiveness: Consensus Among Men, Not Women, Study Finds.]
Many women, of course, are psychologically and emotionally attracted
to men who are not jealous of them. This is the great paradox. They
are/were not jealous for a reason. The men were 7's and the woman was
a 5 and he was simply...waiting for a 6...then she arrived and he said
goodbye.
So much for the evolved male.
When you've gotten lucky, getting commitment (requesting to be
possessed even though the person wants to be free...they don't) is
not so easy.
A significant error women can make is believing that their feelings
of desire to be with non-jealous men are rational and working in their
best interest. Many women use "nonjealous" as a criteria for a good man.
And then what happens? ... 
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Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
Photos appear under license with Stockexpert.
