Jealousy
Kevin Hogan
The cover of Psychology Today implied that it's really about you.
I immediately picked it up and popped it into my buying hand.
Bullsh**!... was my instant reaction.
The implication was that it's easily controlled, and more about
the person who is jealous than the other person; or all the other
contributing factors.
Provocative.
(Great selling strategy, by the way...)
It got me obsessing...I mean...thinking...
Those feelings of jealousy are habitual, and are always at the ready.
They are triggered in very specific ways in relationship to
very certain possessions or people.
A child might be jealous of his brother's time with Mom. He hurts. A child might be jealous of the toy his brother was allowed to take from him and play with when he wanted it.
But more likely you and I are thinking about a different level of
jealousy.
Kids rarely kill each other because their brother got more attention.
The feelings inside are similar, but they aren't as obsessive or
as intense as the kind of jealousy you and I are thinking about.
Before we begin....
For the purpose of this article, people are, in the general sense,
perceived as "possessions" by others. The fact is that people, in their minds, do possess
other people in almost the same way they possess other things. (My girlfriend, my mom, my best friend, etc.)
This has been the case for two million years, and that feeling of possession certainly won't be devolving any time soon as it is obviously crucial for survival.
Those that tell you otherwise are ignorant and fooling you.
...And, in general, we are talking about romantic relationships.
And to define.... the feelings of jealousy will be agreed to come
from the real or perceived concern about a third party taking
our possessions, or, it is about how the devaluation felt
when someone might leave, or does, or the reduction of significance
felt by the individual.
(Read that as you feel like dirt if they are thinking of spending time
with someone else, or planning the same.)
Easy enough.
What are the "feelings" of Jealousy?
But jealousy is no simple "emotion." It's not an emotion. It is
in fact a boiling hot pot packed with many powerful emotions.
Jealousy is very normal and it can be very deadly.
Where does jealousy come from?
- Whose fault is jealousy?
- Is it immature in nature?
- Did something you do trigger their jealousy?
- Are they/you jealous all the time, and they only show it on occasion?
- Is jealousy bad and something to be ashamed of, or might it be a
balanced trait of good and bad, benefits and drawbacks?
- ...oh...is jealousy a "trait"?
"He's just a jealous guy."
John Lennon said he was....
Is there anything GOOD about Jealousy?
And if it is a trait, do you try to get rid of it or appreciate it?
Much of jealousy starts with attraction, desire, possession and
scarcity.
It is filtered through one's perception of one's self,
accurate or not, and through the value other people perceive that
person to be, real or not.
Experiencing the feelings of jealousy is never pleasant. Being on
the other ends of jealousy (Parties two and three) ....can
be lethal.
You feel inadequate, unlovable, and your self-image is not very
good. It hurts. It's painful. The pain is significant enough that
people become unstable when jealous. Predicting their behavior
in retrospect...."You could see it coming..." but you didn't know for
sure...
There might or might not be good reasons for ALL of those things.
Just because it's sad that you feel unlovable doesn't mean it's
wrong. By the way, maybe you ARE unlovable.
Before getting a self-esteem kit and inflating yourself, you might
want to put yourself under the microscope. How would you like to
be living with....well.....you?
Be straight.
And it might be time to work on that.
A lot of psychologists will tell you that you should just feel more lovable
and give you coping strategies for your bad self-image.
Right?
Wrong.
Jealousy...Fatal Attraction? ... 
Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
Photos appear under license with Stockexpert.
