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The Second New Law of Persuasion
Threads in the Shadows - Page 3
By Kevin Hogan
What if I knew the person I needed agreement with was not into Las Vegas? Would I still share that specific photo?
Maybe, but if I did, it would need to be re-contextualized.
More likely, while commenting on the weather I would bring up the contrast between August and winter and I would say, Hey, this is what Christmas time is like outside at my house. Check it out!
But maybe you, or this other person I have alluded to is not a fan of Christmas at all.
Not to share. We all share many connections and threads.
Perhaps they are a fan of baseball.
I might bring up how Oakland is doing. (Having a great season!)
Then I mention how I bet some of the guys on the team played winter ball in Mexico. and hey you know what winter ball in Minnesota is like right?
In all cases the threads are in the shadows.
I have not said, I am just like you I love Christmas.
I have not said, I am just like you, I really enjoy baseball.
I have not said, Hey you are just like me about ANYTHING.
Because once you bring a thread into the light, AS A THREAD, it loses potency as a point of connection. The resonance is gone.
The subtle implication is all that is necessary.
So what photo might I swipe to on my iPhone now?
Perhaps I scroll to this picture of my son and I playing catch at Christmas.
How can you remember just what to weave into a conversation that will lead to influence?
Imagine your neighbor Jacob comes into your yard chasing his dog Lucky. That happened yesterday. I had never met Jacob or his dog.
Had Jacob wanted a favor and he said, This is a dog and I know you are like me because you like pets, Kevin
You can see how weird that sounds right?
I simply asked, What is his name?
Lucky. (Lucky is now licking my face. I used to have a strong dislike for dogs but they all seem to love me. Thus, I have given up my dislike and now just accept being bowled over by animals.)
And what is your name?
Jacob? (I always ask and say a persons name when I meet them. It makes it more likely I will remember it. People appreciate hearing their name.
Cool. How old is he?
I ask what school he goes to. I ask how old he is. I ask how good he is at hockey? (He has a hockey rink in his back yard that is packed with kids every Christmas) We have a conversation.
Key Point: Asking someone how good they are at something creates a self generating and self looping thread in the shadow.
It also reveals a great deal to me as I watch a person tell me about their love, their hobby, their skill. Regardless of what I am looking for, it creates the thread in the shadow that makes influence close to certain when you choose to ask or tell.
Photos appear under license with Stockexpert.