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Persuasion & Permission Granting
by guest writer Dave Lakhani
This topic is often the most misunderstood when I speak to groups. It seems a little egotistical for me to believe that I can give you permission to do business with me. But each of you are silently begging me to give you permission if I’ve done a good job of creating curiosity, desire, exclusivity and scarcity. Your emotions are screaming, “Let me in, I want to be a part of this,” and logic is finding a way to justify your decision.
Permission Grants Power
Permission granting is another way of saying close the sale or bring the persuasion to a logical conclusion in your favor. There is just one slight difference. When you “close” a sale, you are asking someone to do business with you and they still have all the power. When you grant permission, you are giving them a limited time opportunity to begin a relationship with you; you retain the power. Permission once given can also be taken away. In cult terms you can excommunicate someone whom you’ve granted permission but firing a customer is much more difficult. Excommunicated people often repent and work very hard to get back in your good graces so they can be a part of the group again; fired people rarely do.
As I studied cults I realized this was one of the reasons my mom wrestled with her decision to leave for so long after she left and was excommunicated. There was that nagging worry, of course, that they might have been right, but more important was the acceptance and the comfort the group brought. There was the idea that she bought so fully into and could never excommunicate herself from as long as anyone she was familiar with was still involved. The problem was that they could easily remind her of all of the feelings of curiosity and desire that brought her there in the first place; she was still searching for the answers that eluded her. Many of the people she knew and considered friends were still involved in seeking and living the best answer she’d found. The result was that the pull to go back remained strong long after logic dictated she’d made a fine decision to leave and was living a normal life. Interestingly, Mom never felt she could have the positive beliefs about God and religion that were shared with the cult (not everything they believed was bad, although the vast majority was) without their permission and acceptance.
The Trusted Advisor
Permission granting is an important distinction for you to understand because of the position of power it places you in. Permission granting also skews the relationship in your favor because only people with authority who we’ve exalted to some level (gurudom) can give us permission. So once you’ve placed yourself in the position that you can grant permission, you’ve also placed yourself in a trusted advisor’s position. The only way that will change is if you do something that is so incongruent or wrong that they have to reevaluate you completely. Short of that, you are in the position to have significant influence in the part of that person’s life that relates to what you do.
Everyone Needs Reassurance
You’ve often heard that people are silently begging to be led, that they are waiting for you to tell them what to do. That is very true when it comes to persuasion. The majority of people who are buying anything not only want you to tell them what to do but to reassure them they are making the right decision. Once that is done, the very last thing they need is for you to tell them it is OK. They need the reassurance of permission in order to metaphorically close their eyes and fall backwards safely into your arms without fear of injury. All you have to do is simply facilitate the process. They will have convinced themselves this is what they want—they just want you to tell them to do it. When you tell anyone to do anything with you, you are giving your permission for them to do it. If I invite you into my house you have my permission and if I invite you to be a part of my closest and most trusted customer base, you now have my permission. Permission feels very good and comforting.
Permission Grants Absolution
There are many psychological reasons that permission granting is one of those ideas that we simply accept and follow without thought, but think of it this way. Remember when you were young and you had to have permission to get up from the table or to go to the restroom at school. You had to ask if it was OK and once you got permission, there were no more consequences, because you had permission from a higher authority. As a persuader, once you give permission, the person you are persuading is absolved from wrong because you, the higher authority, gave your permission.
To find out ways to subliminally grant permission, continue below.
