Influence: Being Assertive
Without Being a Jerk
by Kevin Hogan
Page 6
When the Other Person Becomes Aggressive
"What the heck are you doing throwing away my socks and putting
them on the dinner plate, you xxx!?"
Nothing wrong with that. Tell them you are suffering from severe
psychiatric disorder, but fortunately it's healed by having a clean partner.
Assertive people aren't required to react or respond to stupid behavior.
You can just yawn and walk away if you like when people do stupid
things.
If someone yells, who cares? Let them yell and then go put the socks
in the hamper. They felt stupid. They needed to finally get it and usually
that means they have to feel stupid. Now they don't do it any more, and
they feel smart.
Assertion is most effective when you are calm and someone else
is acting crazy and aggressive.
When people are being aggressive, you have permission to smile,
letting people know they are being hostile. You can speak very softly,
repeat yourself once and then walk away.
See the Bigger Picture...
A third scenario....
We all have dreams. The problem is many of us have gotten into
the habit of letting people squash our dreams. If you are
serious about the things you want in life, then you need to go
after them. You cannot allow other people to control you and
keep you from reaching your dreams.
When you are assertive, you have control of situations instead
of letting other people have control without your permission.
EXERCISE:
Take a minute right now to look deep down inside and come
up with a list of the things that you want for your life.
Next, write a (quick) list of what you need to do in order to make
these things happen for you. Tell yourself right now that you are
not going to let other people hold you back anymore. Write that down
or type it into your computer and print it out as a reminder.
When you have confidence in yourself, speaking to other
people and letting them know your true feelings will come
easier. As long as you believe in yourself and let that come
out when you speak, people will respect your opinion and listen
to you. You can accomplish a lot in life. Having the support of
someone else is nice but not crucial.
Never let other people make you feel pressured
into doing things that they want if you know that it is not
something that you are good with doing.
When you speak to people with confidence and assertiveness, you
can persuade them to see your point of view. Hear the other person
out, completely.
Feed it back so they get that YOU get what they are saying.
That's a fundamental point.
You get them and are NOT telling them how crazy they are.
AND
You are telling the person what they have said to confirm
that YOU GET what they are thinking.
(Who knows, every now and then they might be right?!!?!)
Then it's your turn.
How will your life be different when you become more assertive?...
Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
