Influence: Being Assertive
Without Being a Jerk
by Kevin Hogan
Page 5
In order to develop the ability to assert, you will need to
you learn how to make your requests known with intelligent
communication and tonality that is perceived as calm.
Add in good eye contact, good body language and of course a
confident voice. You should never try to belittle the other person
or make them feel inferior or you will immediately turn them to
the defensive side.
Talk in a calm voice and make your thoughts clear.
If you assert effectively, you will win friends and supporters
as people will realize that you stand up for yourself and others.
Do's and Don'ts of Assertive Behavior
Do:
- Use Intelligent Communication
- Exude Calm
- Use Good Eye Contact
- Be Aware of Body Language
- Use a Confident Voice
Don't:
- Make Unreasonable Demands
- Be Hostile
- Use a Haughty Voice or Manner
- Belittle the Other Person
- Put the Other Person on the Defensive
Build Your Confidence to Become More Assertive
In order to be assertive, you will need to develop confidence in
yourself. It is easier if you try to take this one step at a
time. Let's start off by just doing one small step and work
from there.
Here is an example of a simple starting point for standing up
for your rights ...
Let's say that your spouse never picks up after themselves.
(This would drive me nuts.)
You may say to them, "Honey, would you please pick up your socks
off the floor?" Now for some people this might work and they
will pick up their socks. Unfortunately there are some people
who will just blow you off when you ask them a simple request
like this. If you live with one of those people, you will need
to take another approach.
One way to get them to pick up their
socks is to make a confident statement, like, "I am no longer
going to pick up your socks off the floor. If you do
not pick up your socks, I will place them on your plate for dinner."
(And smile.) That's a pretty strong image and nothing else needs
to be said. You go back to work.
You could also tell them if they will not pick up their socks and you
have to pick them up, they will go in the trash. If they run out of
socks that will be their problem and not yours.
Isn't that aggressive behavior?
No.
It's teaching behavior. It's called negative reinforcement in Psychology
101 and it is required when people don't THINK and need to be
dealt with at the next step.
It's not pleasant for anyone else to have socks on Dad/Mom's
dinner plate, but one thing is for sure, the point will be made. Self
responsibility is crucial in a family or any setting where there are
other people affected by stupid behavior.
What if hubby or wifey yells and gets all aggressive?
How to handle someone who's being aggressive?...
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Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
