Influence: Being Assertive
Without Being a Jerk
by Kevin Hogan
Page 4
By being assertive, you are simply looking out for your own "rights."
You do not want to trample on other people's "rights," you just
want to make sure yours are not trampled on.
And that is something that other people often need to be
GENTLY reminded of.
(BTW: Remember we still have the second guy's stinky socks on the floor and he's
been told a hundred times this is not cool.)
There is no benefit in being as big of a jerk as the person who
has practiced being a jerk for decades.
Don't bring yourself to the level of an idiot. DO try and bring them
UP to your level.
So....
The Differences Between Assertiveness and Aggressiveness?
When you are assertive, you ask (or state) openly
and directly what you want.
That's it.
That's all it is.
An assertive person shows confidence and reassurance when they
make a request. Although you will be asking for your own wants
and preferences, you always do it making sure that you respect
other peoples rights.
You do not expect anyone to be able to read your mind. You are
direct and open in expressing yourself.
Being aggressive means you will try to get what you want by
whatever means it takes even if it causes bad feelings in
others.
What Does Aggression Look Like?
An aggressive person may use coercion, threats and
even resort to begging. An aggressive person does not think about
the other person's feelings.... only what they want. An aggressive
person does not want to look at "both sides" only their own; and
will use whatever means they can to get what they want.
Problem: You may get what you want in the short-term by being
aggressive, but you will become known as a bad person or bully
by using this behavior. (i.e. a jerk)
When you become known as an
"aggressive person," people will want to avoid you and will immediately
become defensive every time you ask them for anything.
Meanwhile, the assertive person is able to motivate and direct other
people to respect their rights and in fact in respect to EVERYONE's
RIGHTS and interests. By being assertive, you are only
clearly stating what you want in order to have your rights met and your
interests considered.
As an assertive person, you are able to give direction to what
you want in a positive, confident fashion.
At no point are you seen as a jerk.
And the good thing is that on most days, you don't have to "assert
yourself."
But when you DO need to stand forward, there are a few things
you can do to make it all a lot easier on yourself.
How do you develop assertiveness?...
Continue: Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
Kevin Hogan
Network 3000 Publishing
3432 Denmark #108
Eagan, MN 55123
(612) 616-0732
