How YOUR Own Body Language and Nonverbal Communication
Influences Everything from Your Decisions to Your Life
Kevin Hogan
Imagine you are sitting on the plane or train and there is a lengthy
article in the newspaper about Al Qaeda. It actually looks fresh and
interesting with lots of photos.
Sitting next to you is a man who looks as if he is Arab and you think
perhaps a Muslim. Maybe various feelings go through your body
and for any of a dozen "reasons" you turn the page to a seemingly more
benign story on the next page.
You get "a feeling." That feeling is transmitted and your perception
of the person sitting next to you is received. That perception could easily
be incorrect because it is after all a gut reaction but you "feel it."
The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue came out last week. You get
it there at the office. Your boss is coming for a visit. Prior to the visit you look
around the office, straighten up and either pop the copy of SI in a drawer or
at the bottom of the magazine pile on the coffee table or at your desk....but
it was out in plain sight not minutes before.
Certainly concerned about how someone perceives you.
Think back to the last time you bought a "men's magazine" like FHM or
Playboy. You picked it up and then realized that you can't walk up to the counter
with JUST the recent Playboy so you have to pick up a couple of
other magazines or books or food products on the way as well. As soon as
the magazine is sufficiently "buried" you go check out and hope the woman
scans the magazine quickly and doesn't "judge you" too harshly.
You get a feeling, before, during and after the scanning. It's odd because it shouldn't "matter," but it does. You perceive judgment in advance and in process....we hate being judged negatively.
Each of these scenarios happen just about every day to
people in the United States. Granted, no one in Europe or the U.K. is going to
fully "get this" American phenomenon, but it is very real on this side of the water.
Your body language and mine send intense messages in these seemingly meaningless situations...and absolutely nothing good or bad has actually occured.
You become more stiff. Your eyes don't absorb an environment. They dart. You stand straighter and look more at attention. Your breathing becomes shallower
and quicker and your fingers become cool and moist.
The same is true for plenty of harmless situations.
But the damage is done and people are reading you in a very unfair and unfriendly way. Their radar has detected something. They are not comfortable with it.
This is exactly the point where body awareness becomes significant. You don't need to think about reading other people's body language, you need to be certain you are course correcting your own!
Why Does This Happen?
The reasons are many, the emotions connected with content, whether
religious material, men's magazines, romance novels, books that
hammer on the other political party....these are all things that Americans are
culturally indoctrinated to be "sensitive" about.
And these seemingly bizarre experiences are generated by thoughts and feelings
of being overly concerned about what others opinions are, of you. "Political
correctness" gone wild..., if you will.
What's fascinating is that these nonverbal patterns of feeling and your
reactions change your income, happiness and way of life.
These thoughts and feelings literally change your behavior and they change your decisions
as to what content you are going to be looking at in any moment. And that will change
everything else you do.
Further, you decide on what movies to go see, what to watch on TV, what car you will buy
...also based upon YOUR PERCEPTION of the person's opinion that is sitting next to you, or near you, or even that person over there that is busy with another project.
How do you send a more confident, stronger, more certain impression?
Cool?
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