Rejection is hard to face. No one likes it yet, if you are breathing, you probably have experienced rejection.
If you have ever:
Been silent when you wanted to speak your truth.
Walked away when, in fact, you wanted to stay.
Acted tough when you were melting inside.
Started a fight because you were afraid to get close.
Turned your back because it seemed easier than standing tall.
Said "no" to something that you secretly wanted.
Said "yes" when you wanted to say "no".
Been called a people pleaser.
Silently knew you were in love yet never shared it with the object of your desire.
Said to yourself "I can’t do that!" or "Who do they think they are?"
...you have avoided rejection.
Rejection can appear in many faces. It can be a good friend moving on in their life, a spouse who no longer seems interested, a job that doesn’t seem to appreciate you or another common one: rejecting yourself.
Many of us work so hard not to be rejected that sometimes we reject ourselves in the process. At twenty-eight years old, I remember my acting coach looking me straight in the eye and saying: "Rhonda, you work so hard at pushing people away but then you have to work double hard to win them back." And it was true. My "friendships" lasted about a minute. I was so scared to be rejected, that I rejected first. I would "decide" that I didn’t like you, and then if that didn’t bother you, then I liked you. What wasted energy!
My fear of rejection ran the show. It decided who I would be friends with and who I dated. I acted invincible when, in reality, I was afraid and craved love, affection and attention. My fear told me that if I showed that part of myself, then I would be vulnerable (a dirty word if you don’t want to be rejected), look weak and be rejected for sure. So, being soooo smart (hahaha), I would reject and then only the ones unaffected were "worthy" of my friendship. Of course, they were the very ones who were as unemotional as I was, and in truth, unwilling to admit they were human. The greatest gift I have given myself is the realization that I am human. What a relief!
Being human gives me the gift of being fully me. Rejection is part of the equation when you are human yet it doesn’t have to stop you from moving forward on your path. Rejection does not have to be something to be avoided. Perhaps, we could even court rejection?
Rejection is going to happen because we are all individuals with varying opinions, values and beliefs. When someone is supposedly rejecting you, it is never about you. It is always based on some agenda that has nothing to do with you. Yes, I know… it doesn’t feel like that. Rejection is bound to happen. It cannot be avoided if we take risks and break boundaries.
Rejection is part and parcel of success in any area of your life. I, as a creative person, must be willing to be rejected for my thoughts, words and deeds if I want to share my point of view with the would. If I took actions to avoid rejection, I would also avoid success. I would not speak or write or coach. I would people please and agree. I would feel frustrated and unsatisfied. I would be stifling who I was meant to be.
I must be willing to be rejected if I am going to be an individual with my own thoughts, taking actions based on my personal commitments (rather than my families or societies) and living the life of MY dreams. The key word there is MY! But how often do we stop ourselves (rejecting who we are) from moving forward on our OWN ideas because it may, potentially, make someone else uncomfortable, upset, or disappointed? How many times do we judge our own creativity against another’s when how can we? It is OUR creativity. Period! How can we compare something that is so unique? Yet, we do…rejecting our talents, ideas and values every step of the way. And when we do that, we are rejecting ourselves and putting our ultimate success on hold.
Rejection is a fear that must be embraced if we are to realize our fullness as individuals. I understand it may not be pleasant or wanted, yet the mere act of avoiding it causes it to grow. As the fear of rejection looms larger, the box we live in becomes smaller. Be willing to be rejected. Be willing to no longer take rejection personally. Be willing to look it in the eye and say, "yes" to you. Rejection is not the enemy, your fear of it is.
GOOD WORK!
(Rhonda Britten, guest on Oprah, is the author of "Fearless Living: Live Without Excuses and Love Without Regret" and the founder of the Fearless Living Institute providing private life and career coaching, teleclasses, weekend workshops, E-coaching, etc. to support you on your Fearless Path™. For more information, visit her website at www.FearlessLiving.org or call toll free 877-nofear0.)
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