How They Change & Influence You
By Kevin Hogan
A Barrage of Influence
Obviously then, it makes a lot of sense to constantly be adjusting your environment so you achieve what you want to achieve in life. This includes both the "stuff" around you and the people around you.
There are two ways to seriously consider the people you are in communication with daily.
1. Does being in communication with this person cause you to be the person you idealize your Self to be?
2. Does being in communication with this person cause you to be the person you idealize in the various critical areas of life like raising your kids, being a great spouse, generating revenue to give your family the life both you and they deserve?
You have choices to make if you want to shift where you are at in life. Knowing specifically how the people in your life are influencing you is going to help you decide if you have choices to make. (Replace or repair)
One of the three big reasons you want to have people who accomplish and people who have excellent relationships in your environment is because they can act as an antidote to your current condition.
What about the family member who is a wreck but you love more than just about anyone in the world? They hurt. They are in pain. They are broke. Do you just 86 them from your world?
You make life choices elsewhere. What you CAN do is to bring THOSE people who are wrecks into contact with people who are enjoying great relationships and contributing to the world.
The Psychology of Influence: How it Really Works
It is a human tendency that others want you to do well but not better than they themselves are currently doing. Use income as an example. Imagine your "household" is earning $100,000 per year. You will find no limitations imposed, no hostility, no anger, no sabotage among those who are earning say $200,000 per year. In fact you will very possibly find support and a synergistic effect.
In general, wealthy people want to encourage others to be wealthy as well. Why?
It's in their best interest. Wealthy people make the world run. They pay the taxes, generate the sales, and give everyone else jobs. And they aren't stupid. They want help.
People who achieve prefer to be around others who achieve.
People who aren't where they want to be often have so many negative messages directed at them that they feel oppressed or suppressed and unable to move forward in life.
What is a negative message?
This is a critical question.
A negative message is a contextual cue that triggers YOU to be LESS than you can be. A positive message is a contextual cue that trigger YOU to be MORE than you are.
Positive messages cause you to fight on behalf of your relationships to make them better. Positive messages cause you to generate more revenue to help your kids get into school or build great personal values.
Your brother could be the sweetest guy in the world but if he is a drug addict and unemployed he can make you "feel good" with his comfortable style and help destroy your life in the meantime.
All of life happens in THIS MOMENT right now.
This moment has great value.
This moment points your life in the next direction it will take should you live until tomorrow.
Now Come the Problems
What happens when you are not around others who want you to have...what you want?
The current research shows that when you have a goal and you are in the presence of even one person who doesn't have that goal, or at least support that goal...these people are NOT NEUTRAL toward you. These people have a natural implicit (unaware) bias toward you failing and being more like them. This will sometimes manifest itself as hostility toward you and/or your goal.
As you become LESS like them in critical life areas, they become frustrated with you, and more.
Thus, you want to DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE and then BUILD YOUR WORLD AROUND that CHOICE.
You will end up in major conflict if you try to become your Ideal Self within the context of your negative influencers.
This isn't about what I think you should do. It's about what YOU CHOOSE to do. Certain people will help you get what you want. Certain people will PUSH you to your desired outcomes. Others will take you off of YOUR CHOSEN PATH.
Worse, there is often a snowball effect. Once one person in an environment or setting gets triggered to oppose your goals (whether they are aware of it or not) others tend to become triggered against your goals as well.
A group of people can easily overwhelm almost any individual with enough negative messages to where the individual gives up, sits back and gets drunk with the buddies. It's fun in the moment but the liver disease in 7 years takes the life of one of those buddies.
Be in the moment?
So long as the moment is aligned with your Ideal Self...the person you want to be.
Want to be a drunk? If that is your Ideal Self then head to the bar with the buddies. It's that simple.
Want to succeed at SOMETHING? Hang out today online, offline, on audio, with people you respect and admire because they have done something that impresses you.
A Bonus Challenge
And not all that surprising, you tend to project your own level of aggression (for better or worse) onto others in the environment.
In other words, if you are naturally aggressive, you will see others as much more aggressive (toward you in a positive or negative way) than they really are. People who are more passive by nature tend to see more passivity among others.
Quick Summary and Scenario
Imagine you have a simple goal to put up a website and generate some secondary stream of income. One of a few different types of behavior will come about from those close to you who are made aware of your goal.
KEY POINT: People often choose their own uniqueness through differentiating themselves from that which is around them...and sometimes it's not about what they want...it's about "moving away from" everything they currently see and don't want to be associated with.
- They might support you, particularly if they see this project as likely to help you step up in life and ultimately benefit them in some fashion.
- They might become irritated or angry with your project and you and whether they know it or not they will attempt to cause you to do a goal avoidant behavior (go to dinner, get drunk, do drugs, go to the movies) instead, or they will outright vent their displeasure with your goal.
- They will set up their own website to compete with you and show you that they can do it better than you can.
- They will choose to simply stay away from you and your goal while pursuing this silly idea of yours.
What cigarettes and Marilyn Manson teach about influence ...
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