How They Currently Influence & Have Changed...You
By Kevin Hogan
Almost everyone I meet believes that you "can't make another person change," that they do "what I want to do," and on and on.
What's the truth? How are YOU influenced by those around you. How have THEY changed YOU!?
You've heard it said 100 times.
"The median income of your seven closest friends & family members is what you will earn."
The definition of "closest" is: Actual time in their presence or communication with that person by Facebook, phone, email, audio programs you listen to, etc.
The statement is on target. Hang out with wealthy people and you simply are going to become wealthy. It would be difficult to NOT yield this result. They will knowingly & unknowingly change you with their ongoing presence.
Perhaps you'll spend this Christmas with family and friends and you'll feel the "tension in the air." Some of that tension is from people having opinions about how you are leading your life. They have opinions about your waist size, your hair, your work, your income, your girlfriend or your husband.
Those opinions are absolutely manifest within you if you remain in tune with that specific group of people on a regular basis.
Similarly, the sum of their relationships, attitudes, values, lifestyles also become...you.
You're a social creature. They are influencing and changing you every single day and there might be nothing wrong with that. Or you could be in an earthquake zone because of your choice to be in their presence.
Three Questions for You to Consider:
1. Are you in the relationship with the person you want to be, right now?
2. Are you pleased with your annual income knowing it is secure and more than enough?
3. Are the people you hang out with regularly showing appreciation for the things you do for them?
The answer to those three questions will help you know whether you have been consistently spending your days with the Right People with the Right Stuff for you.
Before continuing, please know I'm not going to tell you to wholesale dump friends and family off of your friends list. I MIGHT encourage you to make adjustments to the recipe and ingredients from the social sphere so you really do lead the life you want and not the mess of a life of most family and friends.
Influence is Crucial
Subjecting yourself to influence is vital to everyday living. It's true in business and personal relationships. Dr. John Gottman has indicated it's one of the most important factors in nurturing successful relationships.
And you NEED GOOD relationships with GOOD people to have the actual life that you are choosing for yourself.
Real quick. Grab a pen and write down the 7 people you spent the most time COMMUNICATING with the last two months. (Text, Facebook, phone, in person) Your spouse/partner/boyfriend is a people so make sure you write their name down as well if you communicate with them more than the other six closest people to you.
Next to their name, write down whether you would love to have the kind of relationship they have with their spouse/partner. Simply write, "Yes" or "No."
Next to that answer, consider their income and simply write down "yes" or "no" if you would trade incomes with them.
The influence of this group on you is a mess. A disaster? Ruinous?
What if it seems like these are people who are truly helpful to you in your life?
Are there exceptions "to the rule?"
We'll come back to the question shortly.
Conversely, being able to readily influence others is not only the core competency of Emotional Intelligence, it is also crucial to living an effective life. It's crucial to leadership. It's absolutely necessary to achievement in every field.
With every single communication and nuance of influencing, almost no one is aware of the actual messages they are "sending." And far more complex than that difficult scenario is untangling the influences of just one person.... on you!
Many Influence Factors are Hidden
It's a fact: All communication influences you.
You aren't immune because you are aware or intelligent.
Another strange fact: People's words, their body language and their readily observed actions are typically and almost always behaviors they are completely unaware of.
Third strange fact: Your very own behaviors and utterances influence your Self whether you "knew what you were saying" or "knew what you were doing"....or not.
That's what is happening that is completely hidden and waiting to be found.
Some messages directed to you are intended to influence. Sometimes those "attempts" succeed. But the person is trying to influence you (for better or worse!).
What's important for you, is to understand how to make yourself more aware of what you think and do in response to influence attempts. And it's important for you to be able to influence with much greater precision.
Goals and Influence
In this article today we'll refer to "goals" as any behavior or thing someone desires. And in the context of this article a goal is either "active" in any given moment or not. People have lots of goals, most of which we are unaware of. In general only one goal is active in any person's brain (not mind) at one time.
A goal could be something as significant as writing a book or getting a promotion. A goal could be something as simple as wanting to get someone to pass you the asparagus at the Dinner Table. And typically only one is active in any moment.
It turns out that whether you achieve your goals or not is in large part dependent upon the people you come into contact with each day. Your spouse, your friends, the mail man, the newscaster on television.
With a constant barrage of messages and triggers in your environment every moment of every day, you are in large part the beneficiary or victim of your environment, and the people in the environment.
How badly are they hurting you? ...
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