How to Stop the Argumentative Person from Making Life Hell
by Kevin Hogan
Genesis: Argument and hostility can grow quickly from boredom.
How could their boredom lead the way to making me hostile just minutes or seconds later?
How could their mental drifting bring on contempt and criticism?
People typically think about stopping the argument and they should. But if you don't know
the REAL cause of the person's anger/frustration/disgust/irritation you won't escape the argument.
It would have been really easy for me to have been in an argument last week.
I'm rarely bored.
How about you?
The trip to Europe from Minneapolis is typically "overnight." That means you leave at 7 PM and
get to your destination the next day at lunch.
Me? I'm bored. Too tired to work. Can't sleep sitting up or even reclining. Personal quirk.
Bored is bad. Bored means I get irritable. Other things get me irritable. Property taxes, income
taxes, government fees of almost any and every kind.
So the people you live with know you are irritable when the IRS letter comes.
They just don't know that you are irritable when you are bored when seemingly nothing has been
happening to cause frustration.
For me boredom = frustration = irritable.
Conflict avoidance when traveling is my first tactic.
They are bored as well. Avoid the conflict and you don't push their "Crazy Buttons."
Simple enough. It helps when you know the current situation WILL come to an end soon.
But what happens when you are dealing with someone who is pushing your buttons?
Because when they start pushing your buttons it's because they want a specific reaction from you.
They want to argue about something.
QUESTION: When you are dealing with the Argumentative Person(ality) how do you defuse the contempt,
criticism and hostility they throw your way?
And, lastly, what if you are the Argumentative Person(ality)?
Everyone is "that person" sometimes.
We'll talk about this today as well.
Have you ever been in a conversation where you found your mind drifting, dreaming, and struggling to stay focused? Do you remember how it felt to try and listen as someone droned on and on?
When we are faced with a poor communicator, there can be many reasons for that "missed connection".
Often, there are words and phrases that push one of your buttons and you simply shut down. You stop "listening."
Many times the person communicating is injecting so many negative words and ideas that we begin to feel down and heavy inside. It may just be that the person you are communicating with is boring you because the content of the communication is all about them, about stories you don't care to listen to, and people you have never met!
Find out Who The Argumentative Communicator in Your Life Is...
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